"Kevin"? Yeah, that's his name I just gave him.

            

            Growing up I didn’t realize how much a name could affect you. I don’t have any memories from preschool, I was just a kid with a name learning about the big world all around me. I think the first memory I have about my name is from kindergarten, but before I tell you that story you need some background information. My name is Rani, in Hindi it means queen and it is a somewhat common name in India and in some parts of the Caribbean. When I first learned the meaning of my name, I felt special as if I was more than just a kid. Doesn’t every little girl want to be a princess at one point in their life, I was one better, I was a queen. Even though that’s not a plan for my future anymore it was my dream at one point, and at a young age I felt this could come true.

           

            While my first introduction to my name was positive, I realized that when meeting new people, different problems can arise. Starting school presented different issues whether that be pronunciation or the fault of childhood ignorance it was another stepping stone in an ongoing battle. I remember the first day of kindergarten, me as a tiny tot with a backpack on almost the size of my entire body. I walk in and take my seat at the desk with my name-tag taped to it. Once everyone arrives, we introduce ourselves and the mistakes are drastic. I wish I could blame my kindergarten teacher for pronouncing my name wrong but in reality, that was not the case, for two reasons. One, I have never been the person who wants to correct people and that holds true to this day. Two, it wasn’t just others that couldn’t pronounce my name, but it was me as well.

From a young age I struggled distinguishing between the sounds of R and W meaning I would say my R’s with a W sound. Therefore, I was enrolled in speech therapy, but not in kindergarten or even 1^st grade, in 3^rd grade. It was embarrassing knowing that as a 9-year-old I couldn’t speak properly, especially when saying my own name. In all actuality, speech therapy is now one of my fondest elementary school memories. Not only did I get to skip math class twice a week (which is always a plus) I found that I was a more confident individual. I knew my name was unique and that was enough for me.

           

            My name is still a question for me. Do I go by Ruh-Knee (an Americanized way of saying it), Rah-knee (the Hindi pronunciation), or Ronnie (the way I pronounced my name this summer)?  I believe I’ve also gotten used to the random nicknames people call me Ronald, Ron, Ranankle, Ron Ronraton, Kevin etc... The question arises which name do I prefer to be called? This is a question I am still trying to figure out and a change would not only affect my life but also the others around me. I love my name don’t get me wrong, but I like all the ways it is pronounced , so maybe I’ll stop correcting maybe I’ll honor my American and Indian roots, maybe there is always been two definitions to my name as there are two halves of me, and maybe it just took me 16 years to discover that.